“I feel overwhelmed. I know I need to rest, but I don’t know how. I’m too exhausted to do what I usually do.”
Does this sound familiar?
This is a common dilemma for the managers and leaders who come to me for ADHD coaching. And it’s something I experience myself, as a working woman with ADHD.
We have a very narrow idea of what rest is: we assume restful things don’t require physical or mental energy. We think “I’m must not burn calories while resting.”
But rest doesn’t necessarily mean doing nothing. You can move, feel, connect with someone or be creative and still be resting. Sometimes the thing that helps you recover isn’t the thing that uses the least energy — it’s the thing that helps you come down from the stress you’re carrying.
If you find you get really stuck into a book on holiday but can’t get into one at the end of a work day, this might be why. When you’re stressed, you need to unwind first before you can settle into something restful.
Emily and Amelia Nagoski describe this as “completing the stress cycle” in their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle.
When we’re faced with a threat, our body responds with stress. If a lion chases us, we run. Once we’re safe, our body can return to a more settled state.
Modern life doesn’t always give us such an obvious way to complete the cycle. There isn’t much opportunity to physically run away from an overwhelming workload or a difficult day at work.
This is why going for a run, dancing around the kitchen or going to the gym feels so good at the end of a stressful day. Physical movement helps the body come down from the stress response.
The Nagoskis suggest exercise is the most efficient way to complete the cycle. But if you’re already exhausted, or illness means exercise isn’t an option, they also describe several other strategies for completing the cycle:
- Breathing — slow, deliberate breathing can help you shift out of a stress response.
- Positive social interaction — connecting with someone who makes you feel safe and good. (This isn’t necessarily the same as socialising — a networking event after work might increase stress.)
- Laughter — watch something that reliably makes you laugh (or try laughter yoga)
- Affection — a 20-second hug, cuddling someone you love, or stroking your cat or dog.
- Crying — sometimes letting yourself feel and express an emotion is what your body needs.
- Creative expression— doing something creative simply for the pleasure of doing it, without a particular outcome or purpose.
I find gentle mind-body practices such as meditation, restorative yoga, yoga nidra or guided visualisation helpful, if breathing isn’t your thing.
So next time you think “I need to rest”, ask yourself:
Do I need to rest — or do I need to come down from the stress I’m carrying first?